Tuesday, June 16, 2009

How should I handle this situation?

I want to ask everyone for some advice and insight into this situation that cropped up this morning.

A friend of mine who I was close to and dated briefly in high school reemerged in my life a couple of months back. Lissy (not her real name but she deserves privacy) and I talked on the phone for a 3 or so hour conversation shortly after finding each other online. I was so pleased to be talking to a friend especially one I have known for a long time but fell out of touch with after I was married in 2004.

After talking on the phone and catching up about life, most notably the fact that she is pregnant . I invited her to dinner so we could chat further. She agreed and we set a date for the next week. A couple of days before she texted me and told me her boyfriend Mike (again not his real name) said he was not comfortable with her seeing me. I respected that though I thought it was unreasonable but I did not want to put her in a position. I responded that she was more than welcome to invite him along but that did not sway things in my favor and we did not talk much after this.

We recently started talking more and with her due date now come and gone she was told they would induce her pregnancy this week. She told me this as I have been interested in her becoming a mother so I was pretty excited to hear the news. She was to be induced yesterday evening and was slated to enter motherhood early this morning. The hospital she will be at is not far from my work so I asked her if tomorrow morning I could stop by and give her, the boyfriend and the baby my best and say hello. She said that would be great and I made plans. This morning I went shopping for baby items so I could arrive without empty hands. I am not a parent but I know how overwhelming it can be for a first time parent trying to get everything they might need for the baby. I decided on some thermal blankets and a nice fleece blanket perfect for the crib or car seat. I texted her to see how the delivery went and she told me she has not yet had the baby.

Before I could ask if everything was alright she texted me and said that Mike feels it best if I would not stop by. I was finally frustrated by this especially since I felt he is denying his baby the chance at some things that I might bring and really is it his choice who she is allowed to see or not? Now she did warn me that he is protective and a little obsessive about her which is fine whatever makes them happy. I really would like to see her and the baby and make sure they are doing fine. She has been an important person to me and now that we have reconnected I do not want to lose that bond again. But how do I go about approaching this with Lissy and/or with Mike? I don't have any intention of doing harm to her the baby or their relationship I simply want to regain a friend I was foolish enough to lose years ago.


1 comment:

  1. Honestly? I think Mike is not seeing this for what it is. He is so afraid that she won't want him, he has to control everyone she sees to keep her. This will backfire on HIM. They now have a baby together, how could she be more connected to him? He has not married her, another way to gain a long-term commitment. Being jealous is a selfish thing and it ends up hurting everyone involved.

    We know what a kind, loving and decent person you are, Drew. We all know that you respect the choices of others, i.e. you don't try to make a play for a woman who obviously has other plans and wishes to maintain them. You have nothing, but friendship here, not romantic interest.

    For now, Lissy may feel protected or even loved by Mike's manipulating her every move with his jealousy, but that won't last. Women grow out of that with time.

    The important thing is that you don't quit being you, with all your finer qualities...which are even finer than most people's.